Being 20 years old now, it's been years since I've been into any little sort of conflict or argument with another human being. But tonight that streak came to a sad end when I got verbally harassed by a grown ass man. I went for a cruise with my little brother and his pal on our skateboards, minding our own business, when an angry little man in a mini-van honked and yelled profanities at us out of his window. About five minutes later he circled back around passed us (this time without his wife in the passenger's seat) and stopped in the middle of the road with his window down, and rather than giving us youngsters a nice calm little lecture about how we should be careful and should wear helmets and various other protective gear he insisted on telling us that we shouldn't be riding on the road blahblahblah with literally every other word being 'fuck'. I eventually (after being talked at without room for response forever) was like "ok thank you we're good here, thanks man"..to which he got all defensive and began to raise his voice even more all OH YEAH? WE'RE GOOD HERE? STAY THE FUCK OFF THE ROAD THE ROAD IS FOR CARS FOR FUCKS SAKE FUCK FUCK FUCK I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON BUT DRIVE AROUND HARASSING HUMANS HALF MY AGE. Ok I may have added that final part but still. So the three of us just started walking away because this guy was getting way too fired up and we were just trying to chillax. He FINALLY started driving off and I said YEAH GO BACK TO IRELAND. Because I'm clever and witty and brave like that.. mistake. The dude slammed on his brakes and reversed back to us at full speed all "WHAT DID YOU GUYS SAY TO ME?! F WORD SOME MORE F F F". And suddenly got twelve times more Irish rolling his r's and using profoundly Irish terms, then my brother was like "chill out we're Irish too.. Gibson.. Irish.. chill.." to which the guy concluded that no, we weren't actually Irish and that we know nothing about Ireland and that we just definitely we not Irish. Thank man but actually we are.
ANYWAYS this grownup was the spawn of satan. A midst him yelling at me the one sentence I got in edgewise was "No, actually, the road is not just for cars. It's for vans, and trucks, and also bicycles, pedestrians, and thus skateboards" which he spitefully testified against immediately. This ideology that the road is for vehicles and vehicles only is SO crazy backwards. We live in a little town so this is unfortunately the most common notion.. meanwhile in cities like Ottawa and Toronto you'll see bike lanes galore and many signs asking you to please share the road. You wouldn't pull over to yell at someone riding their bike on the road.. or yell at someone out your window for crossing the street or walking on the curb.. odds are this guy just wanted to pick a fight with some hooligans on skateboards. Which is another total backwards ideology.. I am a 20 year old woman.. I use a board sometimes to get from point A to point B.. it is a mode of transportation not an unlawful activity. Also it's unbelievably better for the environment than your ugly ass mini-van.
So I haven't exactly been using this whole blog thing nearly as much as I had originally planned.. this is mostly because I have been working my little ass off all summer and also in part due to the fact that I'm pretty sure that no one reads this.. haha. But I've realized that this is mainly for me anyways, to get my thoughts and projects into words that I can look back on in the future and be like 'ah, so that's what I was up to when I was 20!', and if anyone else wants to read it that's totally cool, but if no one else reads it that is also totally cool.
My best friend Sabine has been writing a lot about her personal feelings on confidence and such on her blog and it really got me thinking.. and it's nice to have someone so relatable (is that a word? says the English major) so close to me.
After four straight months of working seven days a week, wearing my uniform top and hair back in a braid every single day, and dealing with sassy pants customers on the regular has just left me feeling all around exhausted and my confidence level is at an all time low. I haven't felt like myself most of the summer because I really haven't had the chance to wear my hair down (which is the way I feel most comfortable and myself) or to get all dolled up and feel all cool and whatnot.
I live in a trailer for the summer (gypsy style baby), which is a very small space to be cramped up in for months. I like cozy places and all but after a while camping and showering in a public washroom where I need to wear sandals in to avoid germies gets a little bit old. I feel so cooped up and I'm at a point where I can't wait for summer to be over so I can get back to school in Ottawa and back to my apartment where I can have my OWN space again (and my own lovely shower.. sans sandals).
I'm hoping I'll start feeling more like myself again once I'm back in Ottawa. That being said (and adding to my first point about what my friend Sabine has been saying) - I've officially deemed this year my 'GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER' year. Starting in Autumn I'm going to really start doing just that. Sabine talks a lot about trying to feel sexy again - I've always felt kind of cute I guess but never really 'sexy' and this year that changes. I need to start seeing myself as a woman now and not just some cute girl. I need to work heaps on my self confidence, self health, and self identity. This year I'm going to put my heart and soul into ME. This will be the year I figure out who I am, start eating healthy and living a more active lifestyle, putting a little more effort into my style and appearance, putting a lot more effort into my studies and writing, and just become all around independent and satisfied with who I am.
This also includes making my apartment a 100% comfy, calming, and inspiring space for me to hibernate in this winter so that I don't get that awful dead of winter blues that hits me hard every year. And, something that might sound a little bit lot silly.. selfies. I've come to the realization that I have next to no photos of me over the past year/two... maybe even three/four. I was all up on the selfie band wagon in early high school which was when I was at my most confident point I reckon, but as I've gotten older, with each year that passes, there just seems to be significantly less and less photos kickin' around of myself (self-taken and otherwise). I have to admit I've been the one to giggle and judge someone based on the amount of 'selfies' that that take but I've come to the conclusion that they are truly really not so bad after all. I think taking frequent photos of yourself is not only a good way to remain confident about yourself but to also track how one has grown over time. I think it would be cool to look back on frequent photos to see the subtle differences over time and introspect on how you've changed and grown as an individual. Plus, how rad would it have been if your parents took selfies everyday and you could look back on their high school/college years and see how they grew and what they wore and what they were into at the time?! Pretty rad, I think. So maybe I can provide that stellar time-warp for my children some day.
RANT: COMPLETE.
